Reflections on Marriage – Ephesus

Written by Ephesus      Translated by Evie Xiao

 

If I were to give one suggestion, I would say this: 

“Remember to always put God first in the marriage relationship; 

the only way that you can love your spouse unconditionally is 

if you learn to love God first.”       

                                                                             — Ephesus

A year has passed by so quickly that I cannot recall where all the time has gone. Last month, I celebrated my first wedding anniversary with my wife so our editor graciously gave me the chance to share some thoughts and lessons that God has taught me. Although a year seems like a short time, God has blessed us with many instances of His divine providence and wonderful grace. Even though my wife and I have attended the same church for many years, we did not formally meet until a few years ago. Under God’s guidance, we started our courtship and married last year in our home church. Even though some may think that marriage is just another step in life, I find that marriage is an instrument of God’s grace and blessings. There are three lessons that I have learned so far and would like to share: love is a decision, marriage is for God’s glory, and married life magnifies our need for Jesus.

First, what does it mean that love is a decision? This phrase has been often repeated by those around me but the truth behind the phrase was only felt when I experienced it in my marriage. When one is single, there is no need to love anyone other than oneself as there is no giving of love and there is no receiving of love. C.S. Lewis said that "love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." Before we got married, we needed to thoroughly understand that to make our marriage work, we needed to unconditionally love God and love each other. Unconditional love includes bearing with each other’s wrong, shortcomings, and weaknesses in view of how Christ forgives and loves us. I admit to committing the vast majority of the wrongs and mistakes in our first year of marriage thus I thank my wife for being so gracious and loving in spite of my sinfulness. Indeed, it seems much easier to not love anyone at all because love involves effort, perseverance, and patience. However, God tells us that our ability to love stems from Christ ’ s love towards us even though we are unworthy and underserved of His love (see Romans 5:8). Thus when I interact with my wife, I learn to appreciate what Christ has done by dying on the cross for my sins even though I do not warrant His love. In a similar way, even though my actions and words may be insufficient or lacking, my wife chooses to love me because of the love that we first experience in Christ and His work on the cross.

Secondly, I learned that marriage’s central purpose is to bring glory to God. This thought seems to be quite foreign to the contemporary mind in which self-love and personal happiness are cherished and pursued. During the wedding planning, both my wife and I gradually realized that the wedding easily becomes focused on ourselves and those around us. We had to constantly remind ourselves that God is the one who unites us in marriage and that our marriage from the point of our courtship to the end of our lives should all be to the glory of God. Furthermore, as we were considered a young couple, there were many challenges that we had to surmount during our engagement. Many people thought that we were too young to marry citing that we had not dated long enough or that we did not have a very solid financial foundation to start a family. I would agree that spending a period of time in courtship to allow the couple to know each other well and obtaining a stable career are important things. However, we trusted in God to be our Provider and that He will bless us if we put our faith in Him. Neither of us can predict the future nor can we make any arrangements to increase our feelings of security. In fact, the Bible reminds us in many places that our lives are temporary and that our earthly lives are in the hands of our Sovereign God (see James 4:13-15; Luke 12:22-34). Thus, I encourage those who are single or in a courtship to consider that marriage is not for our own happiness or contentment; marriage is God ’ s institution for men and women to enter into a Christ-centred relationship that brings Him glory.

Thirdly, I have experienced the fact that marriage magnifies our need for Jesus. Many young people would think that marriage is the apex of their lives may it be the romantic engagement, the perfect wedding ceremony, and the many ideas of how wonderful married life would be. I don’t want to discount the beauty of marriage and the joy that married couples experience. I just want to highlight the fact that God can use marriage as an instrument of our sanctification. My wife is my constant reminder of how much I need to repent and ask for the Holy Spirit to work in me to change me thoroughly. Our sinful nature always tries to resurrect itself but we need to always kill temptation and sin before it takes hold of us. I can recall many times where I was tempted by my selfishness, fears, and excuses leading to decisions that were hurtful to my spouse and dishonouring to God. Thus marriage becomes a mirror by which the blemishes and inconsistencies of our spiritual character is displayed. We need to remember that sin no longer has dominion over us because Jesus has won the victory on the cross.

I would like to take the opportunity to thank God for all that He has done for both my wife and I during our first year in marriage. Also, I would like to thank my wife for always showing her love to me even when I least deserve it; I can’t wait to see how God will lead us in our journey together in the days ahead!