I went from being a happy girl to someone totally different. I went through a time where I decided I wanted to die, and I told God I want to die. The next morning, I woke up, and I was still alive. I thought maybe God wanted me to keep living. I wanted to die because I was tired of this world. I thought that everything was strange. I also did not know how my future would be like.
I was in Hong Kong for my Christmas vacation, and I do not remember doing the New Year countdown, or other things I had done. I thought that was very strange I didn’t remember doing the countdown.
I was worried about not knowing when I would finish school or what I should do as a job. I have no idea what I should do in the future. At that time I’ve thought of two verses: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8) and Romans 5:3-5 “Not only so… suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts.” After reading Romans, I thought I was suffering.
I had been thinking a lot of things during that time. I kept noticing days and months kept on passing. I was worried things would not change back to normal. I prayed to God that I want things to be back to normal in my life.
One day, I felt like reading The Prayer of Jabez for Kids/Teens and it changed me back to the always smiling person. I was so sad; I told God that I want to feel excited about something and that I wanted some kind of surprise.
On the first page of The Prayer of Jabez, the second sentence says, “Wouldn’t you rather have one [life] that’s filled with adventure, excitement, and lots of fun?” That made me wanted to continue reading the book. The prayer that Jabez prayed is the exact thing I want in my life. Through this suffering of not being happy and confused, I feel that the part where his prayer said “keep me from evil” (1 Chronicles 4:10) is very important to me. I haven’t been the usual happy person for six months; I did not see my friends or did what I used to do.
While I was this different person, I asked God for joy. God heard that I wanted me to be happy again and want to be back to normal. I’m so happy that I’m alive right now; I can do something for God. I believe the last part of Isaiah 59:1 is so true, “nor his ear too dull to hear.” He heard me and answered my prayer. After reading this version and the original version of The Prayer of Jabez, I read that God is in control. I don’t remember where I read this, but I know that God has a plan already made for my future even before I was born. That encouraged me.
I know and believe that God has a perfect plan for my future and a perfect timing. Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” This verse tells me not to worry about my future, and just focus on God. After rereading these encouraging verses, I found out a lot of verses says not to worry in different ways. These encouraging verses helped me understand more about God. Now I understand more about God after suffering through sadness, loneliness, and confusion. I now know that God hears and that He can help me through my life. I feel that God is with me.
Through this time, there had been many people praying for me, encouraging me and caring about me. There were people I didn’t know very well who cared about me. I felt those were examples of unexpected love. God answered my prayer by giving me surprises. He knows I love surprises. One day, I woke up, and I cried; I was so happy about how much love I have. I asked one sister from church how I could thank God not just by saying thank you, and I was told to worship God.
Author wishes to remain anonymous
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